Rigo's Place

Stories about the trials and tribulations of Rigoletto.

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As you can see from my photograph I’m a cat, but not just any cat I’m Rigoletto the world’s greatest cat. I can’t tell my age, you wouldn’t believe it anyway. My very favorite food is olives, the jumbo kind with the little red worm stuffed inside just in case anyone should want to send me some. I live somewhere in the U.S.A., but I’m not allowed to say where. Dad be afraid the town get sued or we get thrown out.

Tuesday, January 25, 2005

THE SUPER SNOOPER - News From Around The World And Beyond

NEWS FLASH!

Attention PETA Police

Cooking show chops head off live catfish. Its true Mom and me were watching a cooking show last night when suddenly the top chef yanks a live catfish from a bucket of water onto a cutting board. The poor fish was trying to escape when wham the chef chopped his head off in front of the audience and my Mom. It was terrible, Mom let out a scream and I buried my face in my paws.

When I recovered I tried to comfort Mom who was still shaking from the shock of seeing the fish killed in front of her eyes. I reminded her Dad is a fisherman and brings fish home all the time, only Dad is smart and never let’s Mom see the fish before it’s ready for the frying pan.

But the chef wasn’t that smart nor was he finished with his night of horrors. He took the dead fish’s backbone and stuck it as a decoration on a plate of gourmet food he’d cooked up and served to an un-suspecting guest whom I’m quite sure got food poisoning.

Rule: Never eat gourmet food always eat everyday food with lot’s of garlic to keep you healthy and lot’s of oil to keep your skin from drying out. Cheeseburgers cooked in grease with lots of dripping cheese and cheese fries aid in keeping your skin nice and healthy. Never mind the heart attack that could possibly kill you, at least you’ll look good in the casket.

Now back to the cooking show. The crazy host leaps in, grabs another fish from a bucket of water, and holds it in front of the camera while the poor fish gasps for air and prays for his bucket of water. The shameless host then proceeds to describe the type of fish he’s holding (catfish) all the while Mom and me are screaming at him to put the fish back in the bucket before he too dies before our eyes.

It was a horrible, painful night of cooking let me tell you. I’ll not reveal the name of the cooking program (it has the word “iron” in the title.) I think the PETA police will come soon and shut this grisly program down.

Let me make one thing perfectly clear the fish was a catfish. The key word here is fish, not cat so no one will be confused.

I’ll keep you posted on anymore-ghastly episodes of this show, the FCC will hear from me.

Catch you, bad choice of words - until next time.

God Bless,
Rigo

Wednesday, January 05, 2005

THE SUPER SNOOPER
News From Around The World And Beyond


BREAKING NEWS

I reported yesterday the story of a wandering kangaroo in Wisconsin I also commented that I didn’t believe the report I thought people were seeing things in their wine glass. Alas! I was wrong; there really was a kangaroo wandering the highways of Wisconsin. Today he was captured in a barn trying to escape the frigid Wisconsin weather. Zoo officials in Madison planned to pick up the kangaroo and care for it.

I shall be more careful of kangaroo stories in the future.

Catch you next time.
God Bless,
Rigo

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

THE SUPER SNOOPER
NEWS FROM AROUND THE WORLD
AND BEYOND
Personal Note

This reporter had a wonderful Christmas with lots of great cat toys to enjoy; and Mom fixed one of my favorite meals Alpo Beef and Gerber Baby Food Beef with gravy mixed together is a great cat dinner. But take note not too much Gerber Beef. Mom mixed one small can of cat food and one jar of Baby beef for four cats, so if you are only serving one or two cats adjust accordingly.

Now that my vacation is over, it’s back to work scanning the world for headline news.

News Flash

Dorothy Marie Takes A Stroll

Dorothy Marie is a 300-pound potbellied pig and on Christmas Eve Dorothy decided to take a little walk in the freezing rain, it seems her family went on a Christmas holiday without Dorothy Marie. Ice was everywhere when a neighbor spotted the 300-pound pig walking down the icy street. The police arrived with cookies with hopes she would follow them back to her home. She wouldn’t move for anybody until vanilla wafers and animal crackers were offered.

Folks, I think Dorothy Marie outsmarted them all!

NEWS FLASH

Police Search For Kangaroo

Police in Dodgeville, Wis. are searching for a wandering Kangaroo. The animal was seen walking along rural highways in southwestern Wisconsin. Folks in that area were apprehensive to report it because they didn’t want to be made fun of said the police department. The police are taking the kangaroo reports seriously and are urging people not to approach the 150-pound animal with large hind legs and a mean kick.

Sorry guy’s I’m not buying this story, I think someone had much too much of New Year’s cheer and started seeing kangaroo’s in their wine glass.